Vice-Flashlights - São Paulo

"São Paulo team loses for a tenth consecutive game and falls to vice-flashlight."

Okay, as I may or may not have mentioned, I am making a concerted effort to understand the teams and the game of football in Brazil. I pretty much have the general rundown of who are the typical fans of each team:

1. São Paulo: rich folks. Almost our entire club is São Paulo fans. And our club is not one of the nicest ones. They may be wealthy but they are not necessary polite. No further comment.
2. Corinthians: poor folks who may or may not like to fight, but all things equal, fighting is good. Tend to tattoo crap like "Fiel até morrer" or Loyal until Death on their arms. It's a game, kids. Lighten up, Francis.
3. Palmeiras: Italian descent people and folks from the interior. And people who like green. Because all the other teams around here are black and white and maybe some red. Of course you can't be a team named for a palm tree and wear blue. What's that you say, Vlad? They were the blue team until 40 years ago? Hunh.
4. Portuguesa: A team financially supported by the Portuguese. These guys are the Cubs of the 4 city teams of São Paulo. They don't win. No one cares. People still go. No one hate Portuguesa. This is a good play if you don't want to fight about the team for which you cheer.  Then you can just watch the Bambis fight with the Gaviões or the Porcos. Trust me; choose Portuguesa.

There is some other team called Santos and their nickname is the Peixe or fish, but they wear white and live on the coast. I haven't figured out their fans yet. Once Neymar moved to Barcelona, who really cares? Note: Pele does.

So now you're up to speed as far as I am. Now try to get the lingo. No, I am not going to have a swear dictionary here. If you want to learn palavrões, come out to a game any given Sunday. Or Saturday. No, I'm talking about things that my husband says the fellow fans on the bleachers: "So-and-so doesn't have a right foot to get on the bus." This means that the player cannot kick with his right foot. Or as us Raiders fans would say "he sucks with the other foot." When is the last time you think these well-paid players even got on a bus? Oh, team bus. Probably that day.

Another favorite is when your team thinks the other team is acting out a foul (oh, my tooooeeeeee, I will need it amputated!! Owwwwww!! Hmmm, what? Yellow card for the other guy? I feel so much better. I think I'll play now).  You yell "Timinho" (pronounced "Chee-mee-nho!") or you are a "tiny team". You are a tiny little man. You do not deserve to play with us big boys. Or something like that.

Then I opened up the newspaper for my studying today and I met the phrase that a team had fallen to "vice-lantern" or possibly "vice-flashlight" in the division. Huh? It means they are second to last. Why is the last one the lantern? Is it like the old trains that had a lantern swinging off the back platform? Or maybe the ones in last place need a flashlight to see the first place? Someone? Anyone?

More research into this soccer, errr futebol, thing to come...less than a year to the world cup!