Onwards to the flashing - São Paulo

What, you thought I was talking about another kind of flashing? Nope, I'm talking headlights. Since I have been assigned to the VP-Motor Pool household position by BH a year ago, I am now able to share with you all what all the flashing is about on the roadways of São Paulo. Or not.

It turns out that this is the most ambiguous of all roadway rules here. Killing people in pedestrian walkways is not ambiguous. While it is against the law, you will never ever serve time. Ever. Drunk driving is similar. Against the law. Still going to get away with it.  Flashing headlights? Not against the law, and not clear what it's all about anyway.

Let's get on with it. Now, let's say you are at a 4-way stop and the guy to your right flashes his lights at you. Does that mean "you go first"? Or does that mean "get the heck out of my way, I am driving a BMW and you are not"? And the answer is: it depends. If the car is actually at a full stop, the light-flash probably does mean "I am doing the completely atypical for a Brazilian driver, and letting you go first." If the car to your right is rolling on through the stopsign, at say 30 mph, it means "get the f*** out of my way, you domestic car POS". Or something like that. My Portuguese translations are rough you know.

Now, if you are trying to merge into a lane, and you are flashed by the car behind you in the lane you wish to enter, what does that mean? "I will crush you like a bug if you try it"? Or "there's plenty of space, please come over"?  Again, it depends. If it is a motoboy flashing you, they mean "get the f*** out of my way or I will kick your side view mirror off". If it is a mellow Fiat driver, you're okay.  Do not attempt this maneuver into a city bus lane as you will be crushed like a pancake (literally it happened here a month ago). Lights flashing from them means "Die, tiny Japanese import!" 

On a highway, flashes are more obvious. The Audi coming up on your tail at 150000000 km over the speed limit is saying "You wish you were me, but you're not, so move the heck over!" There are no double meanings there. Oh, okay, if you let a truck in, he might flash his lights at you to say thanks, but frankly, that's not happening a lot.

Now if you are crossing a pedestrian crosswalk (as a soft flesh pedestrian), you really have to figure things out. The car flashing its lights at you is saying "please cross, I will not smush you" about 90% of the time. The other 10% of the time it means "run, you little two-foot cause I'm a comin'-on."  I have fear. They smell fear. The 10% usually comes for me.  One of my sons has a new strategy which is when cars stop he runs across the street waving his arms and screaming "AAAAAAGGHHH!" which usually makes the drivers laugh. When he gets to the other side, he stops, turns around and gives the driver a thumbs up. He usually gets one back, or a light-flash which means "you're welcome."

Basically what we have here is total ambiguity. No different from any other country, methinks. But here, you can die if you don't figure it out. As I was looking this up on wikipedia, THE source for useless information, I found this line, which I love: "Headlight flashing as an effective mode of driver communication has been questioned and researchers have found the ability of drivers to communicate with one another is about the same as the communication abilities among insects." (source here).



^{If you speak insect, carry on. As you may have guessed, both of my kids do.}

Just another day in the car - São Paulo

Here's the view out the front of the monster truck Volvo as I take it to be fixed for the 40000000th time. 

This is on the Marginal Pinheiros, the ring road of seven lanes, more or less, depending on the region you're in. It's pretty much a normal morning at 10 am...stop-start traffic...though there is a singular lack of motoboys in this shot (not normal). 

That huge wall to the right hides the view to the Jockey Club, the large horse-racing facility that somehow hangs on to some prime real estate in spite of owing millions to the city.

Pro-Life - São Paulo

These dudes would have had to RUN here in São Paulo

So this morning I was walking along on my way home from volunteering at the kids' school, thinking about today's post. I had one more day of Ilha Bela in me, but now I'm afraid something happened that has pushed me to rant. So anyone who is not in the mood for rant, or is Brazilian and defensive, or is the driver of a black Mitsubishi SUV, might want to skip the next part. Or the latter can follow along so you will know that I am hunting you. 

Many times before in the blog I have talked about how Brazilians, in general the nicest people in the world, turn into complete jerks behind a steering wheel. Not all of them, but many of them. I am continually shocked at how rude they are, and completely selfish and plain old DANGEROUS. Yes, I am talking about São Paulo drivers, the paulistanos, who are always in a hurry, always crabby about traffic and always predictably nightmares.

Some of the worst driving is around schools. Most parents drop their kids at their private schools in the morning. While there is bussing available, it costs upwards of US$300/month per child and if you've seen some of these vans scream around corners on two wheels, you might think twice about sending your kids. At the kids' private school, the worst time is the drop-off when parents are late, crabby from having a traffic mess on the way there, and they drive worse than 15-year-olds (in fact, I would like to apologize for that remark to pre-teens everywhere). 

I have nearly been run down in the pedestrian walkway by parents zooming in to drop their kids off by starting bell. And not just endangering me but also my two kids--do I need to explain to anyone how much the gringa is like a momma bear?  Parents are some of the worst violators of pedestrian and safety driving laws. I tend to mention this to them if I catch up with them at the front door of the school. I mention that pedestrian walkways are where pedestrians have right of way BY LAW.  And by simple courtesy, but I can't expect too much from folks.

The line that separates life from death

A few days ago I had a conversation with some other ex-patriates and Brazilians about motoboys. These are the black-clad motorcycle delivery guys that I have also mentioned in other blogs. There are many many MANY of them in São Paulo, many of them are nuts weaving in and out of lanes of cars, some are criminals who watch for cars they want to break into. But the fact is that they are soft flesh on the street. I never try to cut one off, I never attempt to knock one down, and I have been known to wave them ahead or make extra space for them. While one Brazilian friend says she will actually try to chase them if they cut her off (LOUCA!), I just let it go. Four motoboys are killed every day on São Paulo streets. Not by me. I respect life.

So that is exactly why I am so angry this morning. As I crossed a street in a crosswalk with right of way, with no cars coming, I heard a loud beeping as I was halfway across. I looked behind me and flying down the road was a black Mitsubishi who wanted to turn right into the pedestrian walkway. I know this not because the car had signaled the right turn (the driver did not) but because it was making a beeline for me, stuck right in the middle of the pedestrian walkway. I stopped because I hate being crushed by 2 tons of metal. And the car turned right at 30 miles per hour, practically on top of my toes. Stopping for me would have cost them, what? 10 seconds more?

Now what happened next does not make me proud. I nearly smacked the car with my hand as it brushed by me, but instead, since I knew that driver would be looking in the rear-view mirror, I yelled "FAIXA DE PEDESTRE, ***HOLE" Yes, the latter word in English. The first words in Portuguese mean Pedestrian Crossing, of course. And I might have made a gesture with my arm. Or both arms. I am only not proud of this because I could only come up with an insult in English at the moment of truth. I plan to practice swear words learned at Palmeiras games in front of the mirror later today so I will not be caught again without an appropriate descriptor.

What's the deal, São Paulo? We are all soft flesh inside our cars, on tops of our motorcycles, crossing the street. Guess what? Your parents, your kids and your friends are soft flesh too. Be pro-life. Be nice. Be like my hometown in Connecticut where we would sit at four-way stops for an hour waving each other on. We tried to out-nice each other. 

Here, the competition is not fierce. So far, I win. Even with the swear word.

Teaching respect...how's it going?

Baby, you can drive my car - São Paulo

So, here is my husband driving too fast. You can tell it is him because of the license plate (blacked out by me, but visible in this ticket). He was caught on radar being bad at Avenida Pompeia. I'm sure he did not even notice the radar--my guess it was right at that point where he was trying to provide the kids with a "gela-saco" moment (see this past blog). 

Now what if it wasn't my husband driving the car? Ultimately it would be his responsibility to take this ticket and the four points on his license. But, given that this is electronic monitoring, he can claim it was me (which is what he is doing) or anyone else who is willing to take the points on the license. Just send in a copy of the driver's license, sign, and the points are given away. 

In this case, these did become my points. You have a limit of 20 points per year and BH already has a few on his license. In fact he has three points for letting his parking meter expire. That one needs to be explained to me. How do you get points on your license for a non-moving violation? Huh? No one in New York would be ever allowed to drive again.

I love the trade in traffic tickets. The worst drivers are still on the road because they simply find a relative or friend to take the points, or there are even individuals that "sell" their license numbers and accept your points. I'm not saying that we ever did this, but BH's grandmother was driving pretty fast for her age until finally giving up her license a few years ago.

A view to a thrill - São Paulo

For some reason, this view of São Paulo makes me happy. It's one I rarely see because it is an avenue filled with traffic and one I avoid as much as I can. During these days of Brazilian summer, with half the city at the beach, I can once again head up tree-lined, beautiful Avenida Rebouças.

In this photo, we are almost at Avenida Paulista, probably the most famous large road in São Paulo. Famous for the TV towers like the one in this photo. Famous for never having traffic as light as it was this day, a Sunday in January. 

Unfortunately, everyone is on their way back into the city in the next week. Most schools start this week or next week. Usually they start in early February, but because the World Cup will cut the school year short, our kids' school will start January 28. 

See you in July, Avenida Rebouças, when the traffic hopefully becomes light again.